Ever since she was born, your daughter has always been your baby girl. You watched her transform from a timid child starting school into a confident woman unafraid to take the world head-on. You’ve been there for the highs and made it through the lows, and the bond between you and your daughter, although perhaps complicated at times, remains unbreakable.
You’ve seen it all, so it’s no surprise that the moment you always knew would come is finally here. Your daughter is engaged and getting married. It may be hard to watch your little girl grow up before your eyes, but you still want to make sure your daughter’s wedding is perfect. Knowing what’s expected of you as the mother of the bride can help you make her dream day a reality.
Staying Involved On the Big Day: Mother of the Bride Duties and Responsibilities
You might not be walking her down the aisle, but you still have unique duties and responsibilities as the mother of the bride. Weddings can be stressful, so taking on important tasks will undoubtedly alleviate some of your daughter’s responsibilities and worry. Here are some typical roles and responsibilities that can help you stay involved as the mother of the bride.
- Establish the budget with your daughter and her fiance. Weddings are expensive. Sit down with your daughter and her fiance to talk about the cost of the wedding and who will pay for what. You should also get an idea of how many guests to expect and lay out a clear budget with your daughter and her future spouse.
- Assist in the search for the perfect venue. While you don’t have to be by your daughter’s side as she searches for the ideal site, you can help research rental places online, ask around and compare prices.
- Go over the guest list. If your daughter needs help narrowing down the guest list, you could go over it and help her trim it down. To provide even more assistance, you may take on the responsibility of being the point of contact for RSVP’s and reach out to those who haven’t RSVP’d by the due date.
- Act as point of contact for different vendors. From the food to the flowers, wedding planning involves reaching out to numerous businesses. As the mother of the bride, you may offer to be the go-to person vendors can call for any coordination questions. Keep things organized by using a notebook or spreadsheet with vendors’ contact information and a list of contact dates and messages.
- Be available for all the pre-wedding events. Clear your calendar and make room on your schedule for wedding-related events, such as the bridal shower, the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner. If you’re concerned about scheduling, talk to the bridal party and others involved in planning the shower and other events, so that you pick a date and time that works for all the important players (including you).
- Help set up and spread the word about the registry. Your daughter may want your opinion on what to include on her registry. Along with giving her ideas of what to ask for, you can let wedding guests know where she registers.
- Get a dress. Your job isn’t over after you help your daughter find her dream dress — you also need to find the perfect dress to wear to the wedding. You might want to wait to start looking for a dress after the bride and bridesmaids gowns are selected. You want your dress to coordinate with theirs. It’s also standard etiquette to tell the groom’s mother after you’re chosen your dress so that she can pick out hers.
- Plan accommodations for out-of-town guests. If you’re expecting family and friends from out of state to attend your daughter’s wedding, you should take care of overnight accommodations following the reception. You might call local hotels and ask to reserve a block of rooms for out-of-town guests. Let guests know about the rooms and how to book with the hotel, so that they can get a discount.
- Know your role in the ceremony and reception. You should know what you’ll be doing during the ceremony and reception. You might be the one to walk your daughter down the aisle, or you might be escorted to your seat by an usher or groomsman. During the reception, you will likely sit at the parent’s table. Your daughter will let you know if she wants you to give a speech, or not.
- Prepare things on the big day and help with day-of dressing. Even if your daughter’s wedding isn’t until 7 p.m., you may wake up at 7 a.m. to start preparations. In addition to last-minute decorating and adjustments, you will also help your daughter get into her dress and ensure that she’s altar-ready.
- Act as the wedding hostess. To make sure everyone feels welcome, it is your responsibility to greet guests as the mother of the bride. Many brides don’t use receiving lines anymore, so acting as hostess ensures all of your daughter’s guests feel welcome.
- Provide your daughter with love and unwavering support. Although this is one of the most exciting times in your daughter’s life, she is likely feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Your most important responsibility as the mother of the bride is to offer your daughter support and unconditional love, just as you have her whole life.
Tips and Advice for the Mother of the Bride
Now that you know your duties as the mother of the bride, it’s time to think about some smaller details. You’re understandably excited about your daughter’s big day and want only the best for her. To keep yourself from turning into “Momzilla,” remember this advice:
- Stay flexible. Expect the unexpected such as a busted bracelet, a missing makeup brush. You might have to run some last-minute errands on the day of the wedding. Try to always have a plan B, a plan C and maybe even a plan D.
- Communicate clearly. Your daughter isn’t a mind reader. If there is something you want to help with, you need to be specific and ask her to avoid any hurt feelings later on. Keeping the lines of communication open will help to make sure that everyone’s on the same page.
- Leave some opinions left unsaid. An unnecessary piece of advice that you think could be helpful could very well be hurtful. Feelings are scattered around enough with all of the hustle and bustle of wedding planning. To avoid causing too much upset, try only to share your opinions if your daughter asks for them.
- Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You understandably want to give your daughter the world on her big day. However, you must be realistic with the things you promise her to avoid disappointment if you somehow can’t deliver.
- Avoid comparisons. Your daughter doesn’t want to hear, “Well at so-and-so’s wedding…” We promise. Focus on her.
- Take on the dirty work. Not everything that goes into a wedding is glamorous. Offer to help with small things like positioning your daughter’s dress or veil for photos. Offering to have tough conversations, such as with a vendor who didn’t deliver what they promised, can be of great help.
- Respect her wishes. No means no. Remember it’s your daughter’s big day and what she says should go.
- Maintain a good relationship with the groom’s parents. Throughout the planning process, you will likely have some serious conversations with your daughter’s new in-laws. You want to make sure you’re keeping in touch regularly both before and after the wedding. After all, they are family now!
- Bring some tissues. Your little girl is getting married! It’s OK to cry during the wedding and reception. Just remember to pack some tissues in your purse and to wear waterproof makeup.
- Get her advice on your look. Before the big day, you want to run your final look — your dress, hair and makeup — by your daughter as to not have any surprises the day of the wedding. Getting a second opinion might not seem crucial to you, but your daughter might have a specific hairstyle or lipstick color in mind for you to wear. It’s better to know this ahead of time.
- Savor it. All of your help and hard work brings you to the big moment. On her wedding day, don’t sweat the small stuff. Take it all in and appreciate the time spent with the beautiful bride, family and friends.
What Should You Wear as Mother of the Bride?
From color to dress-length, you should keep various things in mind when looking for the perfect dress for your daughter’s wedding. Although perhaps unwritten, there are general guidelines you should follow as the mother of the bride when choosing your dress. Here’s what to keep in mind as you look for a dress your daughter will approve and you’ll love.
What Color Should the Mother of the Bride Wear?
As far as colors go, there are obvious ones to avoid. White, ivory or champagne colors can take attention away from the bride when she should be the star of the show. Black usually isn’t a good choice for a wedding unless your daughter specifically requests it.
Your dress doesn’t have to match the bridesmaids’ dress color exactly but should complement or coordinate with their dresses. For example, if your daughter’s bridesmaids are wearing mint green, you could choose a dress that is a darker shade of green. Your daughter will have the final say in choosing a color that works for both of you. Keep her by your side during this dress-hunting process.
What Is the Dress Length Etiquette for the Mother of the Bride?
How long or short should your dress be? Your daughter is likely to give you her opinion. If everyone else is in long gowns, it makes sense for your dress to be long, too. If the bridesmaids are wearing shorter styles or tea-length dresses, you might feel comfortable wearing a shorter dress, too.
The time of the wedding can also influence the appropriate dress length. To determine the best dress length as the mother of the bride, you should factor in the formality of the wedding.
For instance, if your daughter is holding a daytime wedding, a smart suit with a skirt that goes to the knee or a cocktail dress could be a great option. For a cocktail hour reception, most women wear knee-length cocktail dresses, but simple, brighter-colored calf or floor-length dresses with minimal embellishments would also work. If your daughter opts for a formal evening wedding, a fancier floor-length dress, made of taffeta or lace, could be a winner.
What Is the Setting for the Wedding?
When thinking about the style of the dress, it’s important to consider the setting. Where will the wedding take place? You’ll want to wear a very different type of dress if your daughter is getting married on the beach compared to if she’s getting married in a fancy cathedral.
Weather is also an important factor — is it snowing or is it 90 degrees outside? Outdoor can could influence your decision when choosing a dress. To find the right dress for the occasion, you should also know if your daughter’s wedding features any religious or cultural customs before you start shopping.
What Time Is the Wedding?
The wedding’s time doesn’t only influence the length of your dress. It can also influence the details and style of the dress you choose. Typically, daytime dresses feature details such as lace or ruching. Dresses with sequins and shiny beading tend to be more appropriate for an evening wedding, but lace is versatile in that it is also a popular evening dress detail. If the lace features sparkling accents, that’s even better for nighttime.
You could also discuss additional details with your daughter to see if she would like to find you a dress with details similar to hers. For example, both of your dresses could have similar necklines or embellishment details.
Find the Perfect Dress for Your Daughter’s Wedding Today
On one of the most important days of your child’s life, we understand how important it is to look and feel like the beautiful, proud mother you are. We know wedding planning is time-consuming, but don’t put off finding the perfect dress for your daughter’s wedding one more day. Alexandra’s Boutique has a diverse inventory of dresses for mothers of the bride, so you’re likely to find the one that’s right for you. Start browsing our online selection of mother-of-the-bride dresses today or schedule an appointment for a more personalized experience!